I figured I’d start my first post with a quote from my all-time favorite artist. Keith Haring. Because that is the ironic thing to do. When you can’t think of something on your own, just grab something that’s already been said. Nonetheless, here it is, and someone, somewhere might learn something. So, if you don’t know who he is then you should take a little break from your day and learn yourself something. You can start by clicking here: http://www.biography.com/people/keith-haring-246006. Now we can begin. At first I thought that I’d start my blog upon my arrival in New Zealand. Now I realize that the adventure starts LONG before you set foot on foreign soil. So, as I prepare for my rapidly approaching departure to a land far away and less foreign than some of my other travels, I rest on the words of Keith Haring.
“Whatever you want to do, the only secret is to believe in it and satisfy yourself. Don’t do it for anyone else.”
Maybe this should be my mantra as I start to get my poop in a group for this trip. I’m doing this to learn something. I’m doing this to better myself. I’m doing this for independence. I’m doing this most importantly to have a real f’n good time. But fun having is never a constant state of being. It takes some work, or at least that’s what I’m learning. I had always been envious of those people who always look like they’re just happy to be breathing and blinking. I have given up on that, it’s impossible for me, and boy am I okay with that. I ENJOY the fact that I like to make shit really hard on myself, I like to push myself. It generally pans out in my favor, but sometimes it is just painful. And I guess that’s okay (in retrospect of course). Though I have to check in with my inner most self (not in a hippy bull shit way, just in an onion way, like peeling back those stinky layers) and sometimes I think I might just like the pain of it all. Perhaps that’s why I raced as a pretend professional cyclist. I like pain. Emotional pain, physical pain, nervous pain, self doubting and criticizing pain. Yes, yes I do. And it has taken me a 1/2 of a summer “off” of racing to come to some important realizations regarding this specific part of my silly little life. Some of these things I can actually apply to other, deeper more pressing issues.
Pushing yourself is a good thing and it’s almost the easy part of the whole process of, well, being. It’s pushing yourself in the right direction that is the tough thing. That’s why being an athlete was almost easier in a way. I had goals and all I had to do was listen to someone tell me how long to ride and how hard to go. Not that I was able to take directions from anyone or focus on ONE thing, but that’s a whole other bag of really weird shit I’ll open later. I digress. That thing they call ‘a journey’? Well, I believe that is the process of elbowing yourself onto the right path. And shit, I’ve gone and done that. At least until another turn comes up, then I’m sure there will be some pain and hustle involved in choosing a whole different one to try next.
For now my path is some yummy single track, Kiwi flavor and I couldn’t be more pleased with that. I’ll just follow that really positive statement with some hatred. So, I hate the phrase, ‘checking it off of your bucket list’…what does that even mean?! (After literally clicking my mouse twice I found that bucket list comes from the phrase, “kicking the bucket”, as in dying. If you’re truly interested in the etymology of this you can eat your little bucket-kicking-heart out here: http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/134218/where-and-when-did-bucket-list-come-to-mean-what-it-does-today). I digress. Again. Since I apparently don’t like buckets, I will say this, I believe in doing things that you want to do but also that you know will challenge you. There is something to be said for putting yourself in a situation that might not be the most comfortable. You might get hurt, you might cry, you hopefully wont shit your pants, but even if you do, you sure as hell will learn something. So I’m putting New Zealand onto my ‘Fuck It’ list. Because, fuck buckets. And in three months, I’m going to cross that bad boy off and then move onto the next. (and yes, I know that the ‘Fuck it’ list can be completely misconstrued, but I assure you it is not what you’re thinking).
And now you know why I call this blog The Scrappy Rambler. You’re welcome.